a compendium of useless information

hi there

2009-06-07T14:53:21Z

is anyone i know still here?

...

*throws a rock*

*watches it disappear*

*waits for the sound*

goin' home.

2007-10-18T20:25:34Z

ah, texas.

going back to a place you left behind is... well, weird, to say the least. but i'm not staying here, so that's one good thing. coming back to texas has made me realize that:

- it's not my home, even though my family lives here.

- my family's actually not that bad.

- the only friend i have here now was someone i betrayed.

- i have no guilt about the other ones, the friends that betrayed me. they can grow the fuck up.

- athens is actually my home.

- my friends there love me unconditionally. i don't have to censor myself.

i know these all sound like mundane realizations, but the simplest, most important things are sometimes the hardest to learn. they usually involve you tearing down some of your first concrete observations.

some people live their whole lives not realizing there is a world outside of themselves.

in other news, i'm not usually this serious. honestly.

I'M FUCKING POSTING

2006-08-06T22:47:34Z

MOTHAFUCKAS.

everyone should go to this website. NOW, BITCHES.

especially this one.

so life is pretty rad with its soy dream ice cream bars and its kat noes. we are hangin', drinkin' the pellegrino, smoking camels and american spirits. yall. dollah dollah bill.

PRETTY MUCH.

l0rn @ 2006-08-03T17:12:00

2006-08-03T21:13:24Z

WHAT UP.

it's totally been a month. hi fellas.

are you kids still hailing satan?

in other news,

2006-06-28T18:47:44Z

i have just made a giant big bowl of gross wal-mart mac and cheese. i left my soba noodles at home.

it sucks having to go to work at four, but then you guys get spammed by me till then, and that just makes everybody's day, right?

~~"omg where the hell did she come from?! i friended her YEARS ago and she was dead for awhile and now she's taking up all the slots on my friends page!! WTF~~

overdrafts suck and

2006-06-28T15:30:42Z

I AM TOO POOR TO BUY CIGARETTES.

pretty much.

2006-06-28T14:23:16Z

so i am pretty much just sitting here eating trail mix.

carter couldn't get his contacts out for about an hour last night, and one of his eyes is swollen shut. it's kind of cute and also very pathetic. he keeps making half-angry grunty noises in his sleep.

i guess it is just motherfucking ~~booze time~~ achewood time.

I. HATE. DRAMA.

2006-06-28T03:24:49Z

sometimes, i have to wonder whether
a.) i'm constantly surrounded/make friends with crazy, unstable bitches;
b.) i cannot tell the difference between normal humans and crazy bitches, thus, i'm not surrounded, but just disproportionately pick the wrong ones;
c.) there is something in me that crazy bitches gravitate towards, whether it be my overwillingness to please or my inability to properly process what exactly is going on (i.e., they have crushes on me, are jealous of me, want to use me, actually want to be my friend, etc.);
d.) there is something horribly wrong with me, and they are the normal ones.

i choose e.), all of the above.

however, what is chiefly occupying my thoughts as of late is how i'm going to get rid of my roommate's new dog. of course, he's adorable. a little wire-haired terrier, sandy-colored, sunny disposition. did i mention the fact that he whines whenever we leave the room? or that he produces mounds of human-sized turds on the carpet? or the fact that he humps. EVERYTHING. he's also predisposed to licking. a lot. in places you wouldn't want him to. i'm thinking of clandestinely ebaying him off to someone who practices beastiality.

but it's just a thought. i also have around thirty dollars to last me until 6th july. i've bought tons. and tons. of soba noodles. ~~and whiskey.~~

l0rn @ 2006-06-25T12:57:00

2006-06-25T17:02:03Z

downtown still overtaken with athfest. we went to the grill, a 24-hour diner downtown, and there was a line - A LINE - out the door at 2:30 a.m. (luckily, me and carter know this girl that works there and we got to jump the queue.) but the sight of the grill? the greasiest, nastiest eatery, being full to overflowing, at drunk-thirty in the late night? i was/am appalled.

eta: yes, appalled and yet still ate there. apparently, the grill got SHUT DOWN FOR HEALTH CODE VIOLATIONS a couple days ago. not like, "hey guys, you close tonight, you fix this." like, "PUT DOWN YOUR FORKS AND WALK OUT. DO NOT PAY. THIS IS NOT A DRILL." ~~i'm still going to miss the fries and feta.~~

l0rn @ 2006-06-24T07:21:00

2006-06-24T11:22:13Z

happy happy birfday, siri_eerin! i know it's been forever, but there ya go. you get to request something (AAAnything, baby) if you see this in time. otherwise, your coupon will expire and you will be forced to deal with my automated answering service.

and now, a short play entitled, "what every motherfucker in athens is doing this weekend."
ACT I
lights go up on a sparsely dressed stage containing what appears to be a dining table dressed with a giant ham. surrounding the table are four members of an "american nuclear family" - that is to say, a "mommy", a "daddy", a "brother", and a "sister".
daddy: well, children, look at this lovely ham.
mommy: why dear, i don't know if you realised, but this weekend is ATHFEST!
brother & sister: yay!
daddy: well, well! looks like we're going downtown right after we finish our ham!
brother & sister: yay!
mommy: (laughs gently) you know, darling, i had completely forgotten there was a music scene in this town!
daddy: me too, dear! ha, ha!
lights down.

i haven't written the rest of the play yet, but it centers around a twenty-one-year-old girl with latent social anxiety that only evidences itself when her slow little corner of the universe is overrun with all the people that never normally come downtown. there'll be a scene with rain, and crying, and the eventual gunfight ending, but i haven't worked everything out.

anyway, i really kinda love it when the kids are gone for the summer, and athfest brings back the fervor of gamedays in an evil twist. that is to say, i know not to go out to town on a football game day. i have no desire. however, this is music, which is something i like. a lot of my friends and their bands are playing. but if it was anything else, i'd be staying the hhhell away from ~~derek zoolander~~ the entire downtown area.

pretty much.

eta: i've just spent almost two hours transfixed by google earth. stop me. please.

l0rn @ 2006-06-23T13:46:00

2006-06-23T17:56:29Z

so this weekend is athfest. this marks my one-year anniversary in athens. it is also a giant huge music fest that i wasn't planning on going to.

however, i picked up a shift for a girl in desperate need and she paid me back with a WRISTBAND. this is no ordinary wristband. this puppy costs fifteen bucks and it gets you into any of the seventeen venues to see any of the bands for FREE. rad rad rad. so i know what i will be doing this weekend, and there's a big chance it will not be livejournal. it will be dexter romweber, the psychic hearts, hope for agoldensummer, the hot new mexicans, et.al. fo free.

also, playing sudoku, because i love sudoku.

why hellOOOooo

2006-06-23T15:30:32Z

hello, my darlings.

well, there have been a few changes in my life since last summer. a lot, actually. so many that i didn't want to make any sort of post for fear that i would feel differently in the next week~~/day/hour/etc.~~ so let's play a game! we'll see if i'm the same person you friended all those years ago, while we adjust to attitude and role changes! woo!

pretty amazing, actually. one week getting stoned with a local band and being dragged to a party; the next, getting a marraige proposal from an ex. you know the drill. typical twenty-one-year-old stuff. all of this has left me very little time to hang out online, but since i've gotten better about hanging out with people face-to-face, it's really not so bad.

quit the gas station job. now working for earthfare, an organic and natural food depot. ~~bulk tofu on sale for 1.59!!~~ now instead of having to deal with crackwhores, i deal with women who have sold themselves to their husbands, who have sold THEMselves to their jobs. the women are thus always alone, and bitter, yet are surrounded with so much money that they just take their bitterness right on down to the local expensive grocery store. goddamn, i hate those people.

laid off the meat, as you might remember. and no, i don't mean the cock. there's no way you could get me to lay off that. now, am embarking on the famous one-month vegan challenge, which apparently turned a lot of my friends into full-on vegans. i'll try to resist that, of course, because i'd never betray deviled (devilled? devil-ed?) eggs, but we'll see how smarmy you get in a month by not eating animals or animal products. of course, chloe and i will have to finish that goat milk butter before i can do this. otherwise i'll just not count happy goats as suffering animals whose products should be avoided.

is it just me, or has livejournal gotten... wider?

l0rn @ 2006-01-24T00:58:00

2006-01-24T06:26:00Z

well so. i've been seriously missing from the ol' el jay scene. here's an update.

1. i'm talking to vantid on the phone.
2. i'm drinking cheap screw-cap-top merlot and watching the old man play final fantasy.
a. i've got an old man now, an ol' ball and chain. his name's carter. he's pretty rad, but very hard to describe in simple enough terms to fit in a single update. suffice to say he's named one of his ff characters "cooter".
b. i am in deep deep love. cute drawings coming soon ~~to theatres~~.
4. the ol' battleaxe has a friend in town, one ted, who he's working on some intarweb project with. ted's birthday only comes once every four years, and he's considering living on a boat (since docking fees are way way less than actual rent). me and carter should probably be talked out of running away with said ted on an excursion around the tippytip of georgia, florida, through the panama canal, and safely into port in san fran siska.
5. some shit just blew up in the game!
6. i'm finally getting my driver's license, car insurance, and tags taken care of. not much to speak of, but go me! i'm a grown-up now. i am also making eight dollahs at the gas station. i am getting my shit together!
7. working in a convenience store update: still awesome. there's this regular who comes in (always drunk) to buy a six of rolling rock every. single. night. she's a really cool old lady. i was listening to john lennon today when she came in to buy her beer, and she (in her drunken state) confided in me that john lennon was the first man she's ever seen naked (on the two virgins album cover). she didn't know what pubic hair was. i was enthralled.

well, darlings. the old man is making me pasta to go with my cheap merlot. i feel like a queen. and i have to eat.

i know i don't sound happy, but i am. i'm just bitter about iPods.

2006-01-22T15:25:57Z

dudes.

happyshiny.com is a crotch hair away from being set up. i'm about to yell.

also, i've got enough cash to buy an mp3 player, and it's not going to be a damn iAnything. fuckin' iThingys. i'm going to find an off-brand cheepy that holds more songs. but don't think the iFuckers aren't a temptation. cause they still are.

well, not the iJobs shuffle. that screenless piece of shit.

l0rn @ 2005-11-08T15:05:00

2005-11-08T20:15:06Z

in other news:

i hit a deer. i was going under the goddamn speed limit, this thing dashes out in front of me and takes out a headlight. it's one of life's little ironies that i go vegetarian and then hit a deer. the gods find it HI-LARIOUS.

i got my wallet stolen. bank card, texas driver's license, social security card, and around 150 to 200 bucks from my cashed paycheck which was my rent money. stolen from the back room at work. the fucking athens cops won't do a damn thing about it, even though i have the addresses where my card was used, the times they were used, and heavy suspicion on one of my co-workers. they just won't go there and take a look at the security tapes. thank you, clarke county police department.

i am afraid to go anywhere after dark because of my one-headlight-and-no-license problem. found my passport the other day, though, just in case i want a beer. or something MUCH MUCH STRONGER ASLDKJFLSAKDFJ. so basically i rent the five for five movies (five movies, five nights, five dollahs) from the local vision video and watch fucked-up david lynch movies while i pick fleas of my cat.

AND I CAN'T POST ABOUT ANY OF IT SINCE I DON'T HAVE INTERNET AT HOME. so i'm a little depressed.

hugs?

l0rn @ 2005-11-08T14:48:00

2005-11-08T19:48:21Z

dude.

happy birthday, stepliana!

my STEPaerobics. ♥

l0rn @ 2005-10-21T01:37:00

2005-10-21T05:43:30Z

so i haven't updated in... fifteen years? twenty? twenty-three?

apparently, the major changes in my life, according to certain sources, are that i:

1. am vegetarian.
2. cut my hair short (it has since grown back).
3. am interested in girls (like i have been for at least the past five years).
4. smoke. cigarettes. cloves, mostly, but when they are too expensive, camel special lights. or american spirits.

i am updating solely to tell everyone that one of my best friends, darren, just got a new house. ahem, floating palace. it is above an annoying frat bar. but! tonight they (classic city saloon) are having a costume party. and i, oh my lords, saw a guy dressed as quailman.

QUAILMAN, MOTHERFUCKERS.

it was all i could do not to shout out of a second-story window "the BEEEEEEETS!".

in other news, life is going unexpectedly well. short of the fact that i hit a deer and got my wallet stolen all in one week. things like this are surprisingly transient now, as i am a zen master. totally. and because, y'know, i get paid every week.

life is, again, surprisingly good.

how y'all?

eta: also! my loverly lovely darren bought me webspace. we haven't put anything up on it yet, but when we do, happyshiny.com will be god.

l0rn @ 2005-07-31T12:57:00

2005-07-31T16:57:34Z

so yeah.

so i am pretty much just sitting around in my underwear today watching kare kano. it is the best.

kitty's got the mange. ewwww.

ethan cut my hair last week. like a pro. now i look more like mia farrow than you do. he did it half-drunk and measured it all up with his hands. he is a superstar. it is my secret desire to discover his gayness.

i forgot how much work SUCKS. especially a 40-hour job. i try to keep it happy, but five days and no break can take a toll on a woman. that is why i have pretty much not been around, or commenting back. i feel bad for not commenting, but for some reason i feel worse when i reply to your comment like, a week after it was made. so yeah.

there is a farmboy kid at work named randal (yes, with one L) rakestraw (yes, like raking straw) and i have pretty much decided that i am harry potter and he is ron weasley. we are partners in crime. we make trades with the kids at taco stand for food. he is joining the military in september, which would make more sense if he didn't make music mixes with chicago and hilary duff in them. it is my secret desire to discover his gayness.

and now, a scene of horror from my birthday.

and finally, overdrafting your bank account: the new cutting. all the hip kids are doing it.

l0rn @ 2005-07-27T01:01:00

2005-07-27T05:01:17Z

it i s my tewntyfist birthday

i can still log into my lj accoutn on the forst try so i am not nearly druk enough.

everyone needs to wist me a happy birthdya NOW. like YESTERDAY.

i love every one. eveyewrONE .

BUT NOW. A FLAming dr. pepper calls. i love you. every one. especially step and portia.

yis.

l0rn @ 2005-07-13T15:17:00

2005-07-13T19:20:23Z

that's right kids: it's that time again!

requests!

i will take requests for pretty much anything right about now. drawings, stories, secrets. yep. you name it.

angel wanted me to draw me as a chicken. so yes.

and step wanted a drawing of her jumping for joy. or me eating vegan food. i am sure i will draw vegan food next.

l0rn @ 2005-07-13T12:48:00

2005-07-13T16:50:21Z

so me and chloe found a kitten last night snoozing under her car. we chased it into the garden where chloe picked it, like a vegetable.

he is beautiful. he is white, with some tabby spots on the undersides of his paws and a cream-colored face-mask-looking-thing. he has blue eyes that don't focus, and he doesn't like to eat the baby kitty formula we give him. so i'm a little worried. but we're going to take him to the vet soon. but if anyone has any suggestions on taking care of baby kitties who lock their jaws when you try to eyedropper in formula or water, they will be welcome.

i am calling him sebastian. tika's overjoyed because she thinks the kitten is hers (even though she is a large doggy), and licks it and tries to carry it around.

in other news, i am no longer funemployed! i start work at a convenience store (YAY.) after my training and drug test (*furiously hides crack-smoking paraphenalia*) on friday. i will get $7.50 an hour and a vest with my name embroidered on it, which i think is just compensation if i get robbed at gunpoint, right? and i get a neat story to tell. i probably will not get robbed, however, because most robberies happen on third shift (11-7) and i am only second shift (3-11). woe. but i will soon be rolling in the cash cash money y'all.

in other other news, i am a fucking katamari master. i got me the mawashi (sumo belt) and the camera in one day. and i have like, 97% of the items and i'm hunting the rest of those fuckers down. katamari makes me happy. and i am a confirmed braggart.

finally, i am working myself up bad for this new harry potter book. i didn't get time or money to pre-order, so i'm going to go to a 24-hour kroger that sells it (for 40% off, mind) and stake that place out until they bring out the boxcutters and my big ~~gay~~ green book. because everyone else will be at borders or amazon.com or what have you. NO ONE will look at kroger.

how y'all?

l0rn @ 2005-07-08T03:15:00

2005-07-08T07:17:18Z

suyprisingly, peop;e actually commented on the drunk post.

now i am drunker.

but dear step (stepliana), i love you. there is a bootk that makes me think of you and i will buy if for you when i am no longer funembployed.

l0rn @ 2005-07-08T00:38:00

2005-07-08T04:42:21Z

hello livejournal:

forgive the lack of updates, bu i am drunk. and very poor. destitute evem. i am living with judy a lot (haha i just typed dujy) in hopes that i will find a job downtown and will be albe to stop living off the kindness of others, etd. jobs are hard to come by when the summer college kids are still in town but all the fall college kids aren't buying up all the shit and makingthat commerce magic happen.

fuck free society! i want sockialism`1!

love,
lauren

l0rn @ 2005-07-02T20:53:00

2005-07-03T00:56:03Z

happy july!

i love being around talented, beautiful women. i went with chloe to tay's apartment the night before last to go to a knitting/crocheting party. tay is a lovely girl ~~who's got yarn growin' out her head!~~ who has dreds that she wraps in yarn, and puts pretty baubles in. so i got tayed while i was there. she put ribbons in my hair and today i am beautiful. here is an artist's representation.

i love judy. we went shopping today, and i was her ~~bitch~~ fashion advisor girl (with a capital F.A.G.), which is something i've never really been before, so it was exciting! especially since we were hunting for bras. the thing about bra manufacturers is that they don't realise that d-cups mean you need MORE support, not that unlined bullshit. so we found bras (plural) for the juju-bee and now her bewbs are perky like new! (which, really, i know it doesn't sound like it's an accomplishment, but...)

i just realised judy probably doesn't want me discussing her titties on livejournal.

l0rn @ 2005-06-30T16:24:00

2005-06-30T20:24:46Z

Vex Me, by Barbara Hamby

Vex me, O Night, your stars stuttering like a stuck jukebox,
put a spell on me, my bones atremble at your tabernacle

of rhythm and blues. Call out your archers, chain me
to a wall, let the stone fortress of my body fall

like a rabid fox before an army of dogs. Rebuke me,
rip out my larynx like a lazy snake and feed it to the voiceless

throng. For I am midnight's girl, scouring unlit streets
like Persephone stalking her swarthy lord. Anoint me

with oil, make me greasy as a fast-food fry. Deliver me
like a pizza to the snapping crack-house hours between

one and four. Build me an ark, fill it with prairie moths,
split-winged fritillaries, blue-bottle flies. Stitch

me a gown of taffeta and quinine, starlight and nightsoil,
and when the clock tocks two, I'll be the belle of the malaria ball.